Sunday, 23 October 2005
'Peter Newman, go fuck yourself'
By JOSEPH PLANTA
VANCOUVER - Saturday night, the glitterati of Ottawa's social set gathered at the Museum of Civilisation across the water in Gattineau for the annual Parliamentary press gallery dinner. The Governor General and her husband were in attendance, as was Prime Minister Paul Martin, Stephen Harper, Jack Layton, and countless MPs, Senators, and of course the press gallery scum who complete the incestuous official Ottawa circle.
It's always a fun night to watch on television, but old hands claim it's lost its fun ever since they've been televised. Nonetheless it's a fine opportunity to see our leaders let their hair down and take themselves slightly less seriously than normally. Perhaps if they were seen like this more often and not just once a year, the public would consider them more favourably. As they are, they're incredibly phoney and contrived.
For example, each year that he's spoken, Stephen Harper has been quite gregarious and entertaining. This year was no different. He was expected to delight the crowd with his many impersonations, and he didn't disappoint. His Brian Mulroney is good, his Preston Manning is passable, and his John McCallum is particularly great. He can summon up Chrétien too, and is adroitly self-deprecating. If this was the Harper that people saw, not the one encountered on the silly barbecue circuit, then they'd warm up to him. The Grewal snipes and the noting of his multiple staff changes were welcome. But the constant references to Peter MacKay and his sex appeal were uncomfortable, if not nauseating.
The jokes that flow are actually rather funny. Paul Martin's material is good, but his delivery is rather stilted making him look silly and not terribly convincing. Nonetheless, he ought to receive credit for showing up (Giles Duceppe was as always, a no-show), and his staffers ought to be complimented for good lines, lines that our political comedians on television or radio ought to try. Martin was good at snipping at himself, presenting a montage of less than flattering photographs of him. His P. Diddy mimicking was awful, and perhaps Judge Gomery should investigate just who put up our white, middle aged, millionaire prime minister to engage in that shtick, and perhaps recommend to the RCMP that charges be laid. When he evoked his father, he began: "Let me mention my father in an obligatory and awkward fashion." That's neat and apt since he does it so often, not to mention his use of the well-worn phrase, 'make no mistake.' And his making light of Belinda Stronach's defection was deserved.
Martin's speech went out with a bang thanks to a film starring former prime minister Brian Mulroney. Dressed in a fine black suit, but looking gaunt and ever aged thanks to his recent health problems, Mulroney began with a formal and obligatory preface noting the dignitaries in the audience. Then the hilarious and nearly unexpected contents of his speech: "Peter Newman, go fuck yourself." Admittedly, I laughed out loud when I heard that, missing the close to his one line address to the Canadian people. With that, I suspect Mulroney has come out on top, after Newman's spectacular book has taken up much of the breathing room the last month or so.
A refreshing address was that delivered by Her Excellency, the Governor General. Michaëlle Jean was hilarious, and thanks to singing a line, and her moving from English to French, she was literally sultry. Why was she given the Vice Regal job? Because "I'm hot," was her reasoning. And if you're still unsure how to pronounce her first name, it's Michaëlle, as in Gorbachev.
Jack Layton entertained with funny song parodies. He made light of being bought out by the Liberals and the loss of Bev Dejarlais. He's not a bad singer, and the comedy in the songs were worthy of Imus in the Morning or The Daily Show.
The reassurance that Lucien Bouchard was still alive was pleasant sniping at CTV's Mike Duffy, who was on Newsnet recently waxing punditry on his supposed death when a false news story was reported. As well, the odd Dingwall crack was welcome, as were mentions about certain press gallery member's drinking.
Sure the business of the nation is serious, and governing is hardly an encouragement for exuberance. But this one night of frivolity is welcome. Too bad, they can't loosen up more. It's perhaps indicative of just how politically correct us Canadians are, despite our bleatings to the contrary, that we don't have satire like this on a regular basis on radio or television. This country could do with a Rush Limbaugh or Don Imus forthwith.
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