26 AUGUST, 2003
Robbing the cradle - Now That's Entertainment . . .
By Joseph Planta
(This piece originally was published on Now That's Entertainment . . . )
VANCOUVER – Forget capri pants on men, or women picking up the cheque at restaurants, the trend du jour is that of older women weighing anchor as it were, with younger blokes. Cameron Diaz is doing it, so's Gwyneth Paltrow. Lucy Liu too, Drew Barrymore ditto. Demi Moore is the prototype, resurrecting her career with Ashton Kutcher by her side, with an adoring ex-husband Bruce Willis still in tote, and a couple of daughters who have, as Mummy does, the hots for young Mr. Kutcher. This past weekend, word surfaced that Sharon Stone, is shacking up with a younger man, something that Susan Sarandon's been doing for years as have Joan Collins, Carol Burnett and Sandra Bullock.
Liberated women will say that the attention and derision is unfair. For every man that gets away with dating a perky young starlet with equally perky boobs, there must be some cougar somewhere who's got a cabal of younger boys ready to beckon to make merry with. But it seems that men get away with it more often than not. Look at Jack Nicholson. Remember when he was dating Lara Flynn Boyle? Nobody questioned his penchant for younger dames, but rather railed against the very thin, rail-like Boyle for being damn near anaemic. What about Harrison Ford and his squiring of the equally hamburger-deprived Calista Flockhart? No one questions that, but should Diane Lane be seen around with Josh Brolin, then lo and behold people will definitely whisper.
The fact of the matter is, it's unfair. Christ, life is unfair. But for those lock jawed mouth breathers who dig their Access Hollywood every single weeknight and their US Weekly every hebdomad, they salivate at the thought of the latest Hollywood actress seen around town with a young suitor. We ought to lay all blame on the sexual revolution. Guys, we lost, and now women are allowed to be as raunchy as ever. Take Sex and The City. Vagina power, women will scream after seeing the latest exploits of Carrie, the ever sultry Kim Cattrall as Samantha and the other two women who aren't that good looking. Men are scum, and so for every morning when we said we'd call, but don't, or every little damned occasion we forget, we deserve having the whole male gender emasculated by slutty Samantha doing everything and the sofa on HBO every Sunday night.
Thinking about this trend, one realises that it really hasn't been all that new. Remember back in the 1970s when Burt Reynolds was seen all over the place with the broken down singer herself, Dinah Shore? What about Mary Tyler Moore marrying her at-least-one-generation-younger cardiologist? It's funny how gender roles, however constructed they may be, get flouted from time to time. It's funny too, how they switch making everyone's head snap, especially copy writers at all weekend newspapers across the continent. Whatever folks may complain about, it's not actually something new. Older woman nabbing younger guy has gone on for time in memoriam. Shakespeare wrote about cougar lust and love when Cleopatra and Mark Antony were doing it on the Nile, and Shakespeare himself must have known a thing or two considering his wife Anne Hathway, was older than he. What about John F. Kennedy, the idol of many a sexually obscene, who once asked the legendary (and older) Marlene Dietrich, if she had "made it" with his dad, before making it with her, in the White House no less. And don't forget that though Desi Arnaz loved Lucy, Lucille Ball, the red headed and red-blooded comedienne was older than her Latin heartthrob.
It isn't in vogue that older broads are dating younger men. It's here to stay. But eventually Ben and J. Lo will eventually get married and then break-up, for all of us to take our attention away from the Demi and Ashton train wreck. The sex icon for the septuagenarian set, Anthony Quinn, had a kid just before he hit 80, and he had to die too. Trends tire and fads fade, so we'll see a retreat, and then Cher and Jack Osbourne will hook up and Whoopi Goldberg will start dating Jonathan Lipnicki. That couldn't get any worse than Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones now, could it?
Myself, I haven't been in a May-December romance. And though it would be with rampant whispers that I'd be greeted, I don't think it should be a whole big deal. Give it a couple of years and maybe it'll be as rampant as flip-flops or hoop earings. I mean, for a while now, I've been bewitched, bothered and bewildered by my favourite traffic chick, Jennifer Thomson. And if J.T. wanted to fling it, I'd be ready to flung. Ditto Tamara Taggart. She could give me the forecast twice or thrice a day, if she wanted. Hell, I'd settle for Jill Krop and her extended hair. That before capri pants, for sure.
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Here, wraps up my six-week run as a guest columnist at Now That's Entertainment . . . I thank Michael Kwan for the opportunity. I take my leave pleased that I'll be able to work with him in the very near future on another project.
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©2003 Joseph Planta.