Sunday, April 6, 2003
The voice of reason - THE COMMENTARY
By Joseph Planta
VANCOUVER – I guess I'm a combative person. Rather than assail someone with Brobdingnagian verbiage, I'd probably be best known for nagging someone to death. At times though my patience can be tested, like the one evening riding the number 8 Granville bus downtown. Passivity is not an option, nor a trait I'd hold at a time like this.
Picture it. It's nearly midnight and our bus picks up this one chap around Main and Terminal. Passenger Chap, we'll call him. He comes on the bus, pays his fare and begins to harangue the driver. The predicament of Chap is simple. He's upset that the previous bus, which we'd been tailgating, had passed him by. It was a number 3 Downtown. He decides to sit in the seat behind me and proceeds to take the driver to task in an argument that literally goes over my head. Now, because the bus is going off at a decidedly quickened pace, thanks to the near-empty roads at that time of night, conversation on said buses is decidedly unhearable.
Driver and Passenger argue. "I pay for the buses, and they don't stop?" asks Passenger arguably upset. Driver dutifully tries to point out that both the number 3 and 8 happen to be taking the same route through downtown, thus it would make perfect sensible sense that the number 3 would bypass a passenger on the curb, knowing that there's a similarly routed bus right behind. It not only makes sense, but it saves time, as our bus – the number 8 – would not be constantly tailgating the bus ahead of us.
Passenger Chap, obviously not the brightest lamp in the street, can't soak up the perfect logic of it all. Driver, on the other hand, because they both can't hear each other (also he's not the type to be going to any Mensa picnics anytime soon), only hears the quip about paying for the busses that don't stop. Driver takes offence, claims that $2.00 is a pittance. Driver keeps stopping the bus abruptly at each stop and light, irrespective of the fact if there's a passenger or not. Emotions are decidedly running high. I am coping with the noise by wishing deeply that they'd both shut up. I wish that Passenger Chap would just figure out that haranguing the already high-strung driver serves no greater purpose than getting into a hollering match that happens to annoy your humble correspondent.
The discussion had by Passenger Chap and Driver disintegrates to the sad repartee of Chap being heard saying: "Sorry, what was that?" This prompts the driver to raise his volume, argue more and a tad more vociferously.
Fed up with the mangled syntax and the appalling arguments had on both sides, I turn to Passenger Chap behind me and say, "Listen, your quarrel is with the driver of the first bus, who passed you by. He's long gone, probably miles away. This driver, there's no use arguing with him. He can't do anything. He's just getting upset and all this yelling is bothering the rest of us." In actuality, it was only me and some lady, who took that very moment to get off. Thanks, miss, for backing me up on this one.
Ever the voice of reason, I instruct Passenger Chap to call TransLink, the transit authority, "Call Doug McCallum, Monday morning." Passenger Chap then wants to argue some more, this time with me. "What if I want to stop at a certain place?" he asks thinking he's got the moral authority of Jesus Christ. I politely tell him the route taken by both the number 3 and 8 are exactly the same, thus it makes absolute sense that the first bus bypass him to speed up the trip for both buses. Passenger Chap is unconsolable. I offer that he's right that after the Granville Bridge, both buses take different routes. He's pleased he's struck a point with me. I tell him again, "Call TransLink, Monday morning. Doug McCallum, he's the boss of all of this."
Snippy he says to me, "I will."
I turn around to resume facing the front of the bus, muttering, "Good. Good luck."
At least Passenger Chap shuts up and Driver doesn't goad him on any longer. Why did I insert myself into two mindless idiots' argument? Well, honestly both were off base and it was annoying. Passenger Dude should have just coped with his lap, as shat on as it is. Driver should not have argued, thus branding himself an equally proud idiot. Can't a guy ride the bus without literally being in-between two foaming-at-the-mouth morons? Isn't a guy entitled to a little peace on the bus? It was midnight, for chrissakes.
I decide to disembark at my stop via the front entrance. Driver asks what I said to Passenger Chap. I said, I told him to call Doug McCallum. Driver concurs, opening the doors for me. The voice of reason? Hardly. Merely the voice of the annoyed passenger, willing to pass the buck onto Surrey's good Mayor.
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An archive of Joseph Planta's previous columns can be found by clicking HERE .