Sweeping through Sweeps - THE COMMENTARY
By Joseph Planta
VANCOUVER -- February, May and November are three months. Very good Elmer, now what have they got in common? Well, in the high priced and bastardised world of insane television, those three months are held in particular esteem as the networks gauge their viewership for the purpose of setting their advertising rates. See, one tends to forget, cable bill notwithstanding, that television comes at a reasonable rate. It’s free.
In the business, they call the networks, webs. Thus the webs dole out their brightest and not necessarily best (see Rick Rockwell and Darva Conger,) in the hopes that we tune in, thus upping the ratings; thus upping the ante when it comes time for Palmolive or Dodge Durango to pay for their 30 second commercials.
The battle of Survivor versus Friends had their first battle on Thursday night and it looks that Survivor won. Pulling in a rating of 18.5 and a ratings share of 26, Survivor triumphs in this first round of a well-heated battle. Friends pulled in a mere 16.8 rating and a ratings share 1 point below the gals and boys of Ogakor and Kucha. I watched Friends, and it was a pretty mediocre episode. The Saturday Night Live segment after, was also pretty lame. I guess for 20 minutes, that was too many commercials. The SNL segment fell to a 13.6 rating and a mere 19 share. (To the unknowing, the rating determines how many people, roughly, tuned in. At last check a single ratings point equalled just under a million viewers. A ratings share on the other hand is a reflection of the percentage of TV households tuned in to a particular program.)
A rumour of the moment: Sources are saying that Eminem, the anti-gay rapper, will duet with the openly gay pop singer Elton John on this year’s Grammy Awards. The Grammy’s air February 21, 2001 on CBS.
Also, it could be announced today that Kathie Lee Gifford’s successor on the Regis Philbin talkfest will be All My Children soap star, Kelly Ripa. To add more fuel to the fire, Disney, the owners of the Reege, have registered the dot.com domain name: « www.livewithregisandkelly.com ».
There are some notable upcoming highlights this month, with Jason Priestley guesting on ABC’s Spin City on February 7th, while the entire Osmond clan participate in the making of Inside The Osmonds, a telepic on their life which will air on ABC too on February 5th.
Sticking with ABC, they trot out old dames Joan Collins, Shirley MacLaine, Debbie Reynolds and Dame Elizabeth Taylor for a TV movie written by Reynolds’ daughter and Dame Elizabeth’s former step-daughter, Carrie Fisher. These Old Broads, air on February 12th. (As an aside, Joan Collins should also be styled Dame, as she received hers a couple of years ago.)
The David E. Kelley shows Boston Public and The Practice will crossover on the 11th and the 12th. (ABC airs the latter, whereas the former can be seen on FOX.) David E. Kelley shows are known, irrespective of originating network to crossover. The Practice and Ally McBeal did the same a couple seasons back.
NBC deems Friends must-see with their supersize episodes this month, paired up with more SNL segments. Ellen DeGeneres, a pioneer of gay TV, appears on the gay sitcom Will and Grace. That airs on the 15th.
CBS has a superstar line-up of TV movies with Jewel starring Farrah Fawcett. The movie that airs on the 7th puts the former Charlie’s Angels on the list of TV movie superstars: Maureen O’Hara, the late Jessica Tandy and of course, Tori Spelling. (Miss Tandy was too big an actress to be counted amongst mediocre Tori, but the point is taken as being diverse.)
Natasha Richardson (Mrs. Liam Neeson and the daughter of Oscar winner and recent Golden Globe winner Vanessa Redgrave) co-stars with Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Mel Brooks) in the two-parter Haven which airs on the 11th and 13th. It tells the tale of Holocaust victims that find refuge in the States. Glenn Close and Jena Malone will star in The Ballad of Lucy Whipple on the 18th. The Tony-winning Close is no stranger to TV films, as besides amassing 5 Oscar nods, she starred in the trilogy of Sarah, Plain and Tall pics for Hallmark. The young Miss Malone also did a Hallmark picture 3 seasons ago called Ellen Foster.
Fox will air Barbra Streisand’s TV special Timeless on Valentine’s Day. Schmaltz personified. On The Simpsons tennis stars Venus Williams, Serena Williams, Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras will appear on the 11th, while Kelsey Grammer returns on the 18th as Sideshow Bob. *N Sync will drop by on the 25th, as well.
That ‘70s Show will boast a guest spot by Alice Cooper on the 6th and David Duchovny returns on The X-Files on the 25th.
To paraphrase the great New York Post columnist, Cindy Adams: Only on television kids, only on television.
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An archive of Joseph Planta's previous columns can be found by clicking HERE .