26 July 1999

Child on Board - THE COMMENTARY

By Joseph Planta

“Honk If You Love Jesus”, “I’d Rather Be Fishing”, “If You Don’t Like The Way I Drive, F*#@ You!”, “If You Can’t See My Mirrors, Then I Can’t See You,” these are a few of those bumper stickers one can see on the backs of cars driving on any city side street or on the highways that stretch across this country of ours. Bumper stickers are a reflection of our culture, anger, passions and mostly an expression of our opinions. The one sticker that got my attention recently, while on one of Beautiful B.C’s highways was the most recognizable of all, “Child On Board.” What does that mean? I understand that it’s suppose to tell the driver behind that, “Hey, I’m driving and I’ve got a kid or kids on board, so watch it!” But, really does the annoying little sticker on the back window make the speeder or road rager slower or calmer? I doubt it. And most of the time, there isn’t even a child on board.

These stickers or cards that hang on a suction cup, smell awfully 80’s. The sons and daughters of the cultural revolution of the 60’s, now are professionals, have shaved, dumped the love beads and passed the ‘Make Love not War’ phase. To me, these cards make absolutely no sense at all. Do these card carriers think that they’ll make the bozo behind more careful in their driving discourse? Do the bonehead speeders give a damn about a child seated in the car up front? Are flimsy stickers like these, going to make jerk drivers refrain from showing off their driving prowess? The answers to these questions are: you wish, not in the least and good luck. These symbols of yuppieness are more flaunt than actual methods of preventing the unfortunate motor vehicle mishaps that make the headlines and statistic books year after year. “Child on Board” stickers or cards on the back of minivans or station wagons, will not make the bonehead driver who speeds or curses, slow down or give a damn about the kids on board. All they do is distract and show other drivers how oblivious one is to the real issues that plague our roads, inevitably the safety of society’s children on the road.

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